How to Say “No” When You’re in Too Much Pain to Go

If you deal with chronic pain of any kind, you know that it comes and goes, often without warning. You can make plans for the weekend on a day you feel okay, then by the next evening, have a flare-up and can barely get out of bed. If this happens to you, here are some tips for saying no when you’re just in too much pain to follow through with your plans.

Tell Them as Soon as You Can

The people who love you the most will always understand when you have to say “no” to something or change your plans because of your pain, but it does help to let them know as soon as possible. This is both for their convenience and so you or they can make other plans. It’s possible your friend will instead come to you and still spend time with you, if you are up for it - just not in the way you had originally planned. It also can take the stress off of you, by not worrying about this among everything else you are dealing with.

Be Honest With Why You Can’t Go

Don’t try to make up an excuse, as you really don’t need to. Be honest with people about why you have to say no, regardless of what that reason is. If you were just diagnosed with a chronic illness that causes pain, this might be a good time to inform them of what you are going through and why you have to say “no” to plans they were trying to set up with you. Even if you’re not ready to share it, try to find something you can tell them that is still the truth, but maybe not quite as personal until you’re ready to explain your full situation.

Suggest an Alternative

A good way to handle turning people down or changing plans last minute is to suggest an alternative. Maybe you and your best friend were going to a concert, but because of your flare-up, there is no way you can stand on your feet for that long. Instead, you could suggest she come over to your house and listen to music while you both drink wine. It allows you to still enjoy your evening with your friend as you intended, just in a different way.

Make Other Plans

If you can’t do anything on the date you had planned, you can also suggest plans for a future date. You should never be afraid to be honest with people when you have a flare-up. It is hard enough dealing with chronic pain on a mental or physical level, let alone the guilt of telling other people “no” for any reason. Those who love you will understand, so give yourself compassion. The right people will stay to figure it out with you.